


Hearts

by EddieFook



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bullying, M/M, Supernatural AU - Freeform, highschool!Castiel, highschool!dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 21:26:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2403434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EddieFook/pseuds/EddieFook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So I'm tumblring away and come across this post and I was so inspired I wanted to write a Dean/Cas high school fic. </p>
<p>http://eddiefook.tumblr.com/post/97975182801/tachibana-bodt-zakuro-san-satinhands</p>
<p>Supernatural AU where when someone gets close to their soul mate their hearts glow. Castiel is the bullied kid on campus and Dean is one of his tormentors, but what happens one night after school when two hearts start to glow?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. After Gym Class

Maybe it was radiation poisoning. Maybe it was a remnant from old DNA. Maybe a witch cursed them all. No one really knew how or why or how it happened. One day it just started. People’s hearts…glowed. Scientists said it was a chemical reaction when two people got near each other and they shared one tiny blip of DNA. The DNA reacted and hearts glowed. Superstition said it was when two soul mates met for the first time.

Neither explanation was much help to Castiel Novak, his life sucked and high school made it even worse. The bell rang and Castiel groaned. It was chemistry class and he hated chemistry. At least they were doing practicals, labs would be next month. Labs were what Castiel dreaded most. He was in the upper level AP chem class but he’d been stuck with the populars rather than his friends. Waiting for the last possible second and then as the bell was almost done ringing the dark haired boy slipped into the classroom. Taunting whispers of disgust followed him to his seat. Fortunately the teacher started talking and Castiel could at least focus on his droning rather than the paper wads and dirty mutterings thrown at his back.

“Umm, Mr. Coleman I have a question.” How Andrea Williams ended up in AP chem Castiel had no idea, bribes had to have been made. “I was wondering if you can tell us about the hearts.” The class groaned, but not too much if it meant wasting class time.

“There’s not much to say Ms. Williams, two people meet and their hearts glow, it’s a sign they’re connected.”

“It’s said that once the hearts glow the soul mates can feel all the emotions of the other.”

“Only strong emotions—now the chemical compound—”

“Have _you_ ever experienced it?”

“Ms. Williams if you are so interested in hearts than I suggest you should have taken biology or anatomy. As you have not I will explain the chemical compound of—”

The rest of the day was nauseating. It was school and school sucked for Castiel. His friends were ok, but they were the kind of friends who once the pops came around they disappeared.

“Oh it’s Dean Winchester, I didn’t know he was back from OSS.” Castiel glanced in spite of himself when he heard the girls beside him whispering.

Dean fucking Winchester.

He was handsome in the bad boy type of way. He was never without his leather jacket and black shirt, he never muttered or picked on Castiel, but he never bothered to stop anyone either. Which wasn’t to say he didn’t stomp on the under classmen, Castiel was just smart enough to stay out of Dean’s way which was good since it was rumored Dean kept a switch on him at all times. _Fucking perfect_ Castiel thought. Dean was back and that meant Hutchinson was going to make good on his threat and Castiel was going to be caught in the middle. _Again_.

Dean punched the wall in the shower. It was his first day back and Hutchinson was making trouble. He used that kid, what was his name, that nerd to get Dean frustrated. Hutchinson made teams and put the nerd against Dean. It wasn’t that the dude was bad at sports, it was more that he was terrified of Dean and stayed away from the blond boy as much as he could,  Dean knew he had a reputation. Yeah he was rough with kids that got in the way but he hated that everyone, including the nerd, saw him as this uncontrollable thug who would beat the crap out of a kid whenever the mood took him. But that hadn’t pissed him off. Lisa Braden trying to get into his pants hadn’t pissed him off, even though he wasn’t interested in trashy girls. Some (most, well all) would say that he only deserved hood girls, him being a JD and all. But no, what pissed him off was that when he came home Sammy had a new bruise across his face. Dean was ready to light in to the old man but Sam stopped him.

“It’s not that bad,” he begged, “Dean he said if you pulled anything he’d call the cops and you’d be taken away, please don’t get taken away.” Sam. The only person who saw that Dean had good in him. He punched the wall again. There wasn’t good in him.

He pulled on a clean shirt and got his books out. The other hoods in his neighborhood tried to get Dean to join their gang but when he was away John would beat Sammy so he stayed home as much as he could so his kid brother didn’t have to be a punching bag. It was also why Dean was pulling high marks, there was nothing to do except wrestle his old man for the remote and it never ended well if John woke from his drunken stupor to see his smut gone from the TV. So he studied and guarded Sam.

Just before falling asleep Dean’s mind sent him an image of that nerd. The floppy brown hair, the intense blue eyes, and the bead of sweat rolling down the back of his neck. He thought of skinny, hairy legs, and how when the kid moved his shorts would sway and… _NO_. Dean thought firmly. He was NOT gay. He did not like to think about boys, or broad chests, or a thick cock in his mouth when he jacked off. He did not like to think about what it would feel like to fuck an asshole or what it would feel like to be filled. He did use his fingers once stretching himself, and damn it was the greatest orgasm of his life but every red-blooded heterosexual boy experimented with his body, right? Right. Dean was _not_ gay and in that moment he hated the fucking nerd who had begun to make his life hell.

***

Castiel threw his bag on his bed. What the hell had he done to Dean fucking Winchester? He’d lost count over the weeks the number of times he’d picked his books up, or had the tray knocked out of his hands. Dean seemed determined to make Castiel’s life a living hell.

He grumbled and got his books out. There was silence in the house, Michael and Lucifer were working and Gabriel was somewhere. Castiel forgot about Dean Winchester and started on his homework, if he didn’t have at least two subjects done Michael would skin him.

“Hey baby bro!” Gabriel bounced in behind Castiel a few hours later. “Guess what?” Castiel looked blandly at his brother, secretly he loved Gabe and hated the days his sandy haired brother was gone. “Met someone, my heart glowed and all that shit.”

“You did not.”

“No I didn’t but at least I’m going out and giving it a shot. Cassie—”

“Don’t start.”

“Castiel,” Gabe groaned and Castiel couldn’t stop his grin, his brother was too good for this family. He had an innocence that made him better than the rest of the Novak clan.

“Gabriel you know what would happen? The second I leave Lucifer will report it to Michael and Michael will beat the tar out of me.”

“I don’t know why they don’t just let you have a life.” Gabe grumbled.

“You have more than enough of a life for both of us brother.” And Gabe laughed creating a small bubble of happiness in Castiel’s chest.

“I’m serious Castiel, don’t you want your heart to glow?” There was real concern in Gabriel’s eyes.

“Gabe, I have time, I’m only 17.” Castiel laughed.

“That’s right! Get out of this hell hole and find your heart glowing romance.”

“Awe Gabe!” Castiel tackled his older brother on the bed. “I never knew you were so romantic.” They rough housed a little more until Lucifer poked his head in.

“Keep the noise down. I may not be the oldest but I can still whip you, and you,” he looked at the youngest Novak brother, “If you’re not done with your AP history paper before dinner I’ll tan you, and then I’ll let Michael after you.” Castiel shivered knowing Lucifer’s threat was far from empty.

“I just have the conclusion, the teacher said I could do an extra credit paper on top as well.” Before he finished his sentence Lucifer slapped him hard.

“Are you telling me you need extra credit?!” He roared.

“No,” Castiel stammered, “I’m getting a perfect score, I just asked to get above 100.” Lucifer calmed and sneered at his two brothers before stalking out.

“Castiel you have to get out of here.” Gabe said when he knew Lucifer was gone.

“I will,” Castiel got up and returned to his desk. “I’ll graduate high school and then go off to college.”

“That Michael will choose, and then choose your major, and then keep up with your grades, and then choose where you’ll work afterword.” Gabe ran his hands through his hair. “You need to get away, not just out of this house but you need to break away completely. It’ll be hard but you’ll be better for it.”

Castiel was quiet for a long time, “I can’t, I’m not as brave as you.”

“I’m not brave, I’m selfish.” Gabe said it sadly and left. Cas worked for hours more and went to bed dreading the next day and the tortures in store.

***

“Damn it, nerd!” Dean raged, Hutchinson had put them on the same team and after a month it had been getting more and more difficult to be around the quiet boy. He let his anger out on the nerd intent only on getting rid of the thing he desired most. If he could get those blue eyes to look at him in hatred then it would be easier. Then he could get rid of the fantasies, the want, the aching need between his legs every time he saw the nerd. He hated himself and picking on the nerd helped him forget. He threw the ball he was holding as hard as he could at the kid’s stomach.

“What the hell did I ever do to you?!” There was the hatred and for fucks sake it was intense as hell.

“Winchester! Laps!” Hutchinson called out and Dean was glad for a reason to get away. The hatred was good, it helped. But those eyes filled with so much intensity made Dean hard. He ran with an erection just barely under the surface. He refused to look at the nerd, and he ran and ran until the bell rang.

“Winchester! Balls!” Hutchinson yelled as he walked out. Dean grumbled, but he liked gym at the end of the day. Sammy walked to the high school so he wouldn’t be stuck alone at home, so Dean went in to grab a leisurely shower (John had “forgotten” to pay the heat bills again so there was nothing but cold water).

In the safety of the empty locker room and shower Dean allowed his body to relax and be hard. His shaft twitched as he ran his hands over his chest and lower. He imagined a mouth suctioned onto his neck and hands squeezing his ass. He moved his own hands lower as one cupped his balls and the other slid along his shaft. He leaned back on the cold shower wall, the hot water cascading down his chest. He moaned when he flicked his thumb over the slit on his head and precum slicked on his hand. He started to imagine naked breasts and a girl with him and it was almost comedic how quickly his lust stopped.

_Fuck it_ he thought and Dean pumped harder imagining going down with a perfect shaft thrusting into his mouth. He slid his hand faster and took his other from his balls to suck on three fingers. He was so close and his hips bucked into his hand as he sucked hard on his fingers almost able to taste another cock in his mouth. Then without warning the hard, intense blue eyes came to him. They were staring at his soul and he was completely undone. He came moaning around his fingers, _no more. Nope, not gay. Forget it._

Dean turned off the water and grabbed towel. He went to the locker bay except it wasn’t empty. The owner of the intense eyes was sitting on a bench looking at his shoes. When he looked up and saw Dean his eyes narrowed.

“What do you want?”

“Oh yeah, you own this place and I came here to see you, sorry I forgot.”

Castiel was disgusted, he just wanted a moment alone from the fucking bullies, the grades, the brothers, the future. Michael told him he was going to give Castiel his college applications this weekend, Castiel still didn’t know what his major would be, Michael didn’t share that information with him. Now his tormentor, the boy who taunted him even in his dreams was standing in front of him clad only in a towel. There was no way Dean fucking Winchester would ever remember that he was once kind to Castiel. That one day when he needed it the most he had showed sympathy and he was probably the only person in the entire school to make Castiel laugh.

“Listen you ass hole just stay away from me.” Castiel was shocked, he never spoke up or back.

“Oh are you gonna make me?” Dean’s smirk got dangerous.

“Just get the fuck away from me.” Castiel hissed out as he stood to walk past Dean.

“Better watch that potty mouth.”

“That’s rich coming from _trash_ ,” Dean’s eyes went huge and Castiel immediately regretted his words. But Dean said nothing more only shoved Castiel as hard as he could into the lockers, his forearm pressed painfully into Castiel’s neck.

“Listen here you little shit—” Before either could finish both felt a warmth like a candle or a perfect blanket on a cold day. It was amazingly awesome, and the first time either felt true peace. When they looked down a warm light bathed them in the dim locker room. It was beautiful and shone peacefully from their hearts. It lasted only for about thirty seconds but felt like a lifetime.


	2. After Chemistry Calss

The only noise in the locker room was a drip from the fountain as their hearts slowly darkened and the amazing warmth was gone.

“Oh hell no! Are you fucking kidding me?!” it was Castiel who spoke first, Michael was going to _kill_ him. This would be like he last time when he got a B on his English exam and he passed out before Michael was done. When he woke Gabe was crying and told him his ribs were broken and he had a punctured lung. Now _this_? Castiel didn’t even wait for Dean but instead ran out of the locker room.

Castiel spent the entire weekend nearly sick to his stomach with worry. What new tortures would he endure now? Nerd. Geek. Teacher’s pet. Four eyes. Ace. Those jeers were thrown at him like bullets. But now new ones would be added. Faggot. Queer. Gay. Pansy. No one would sit near him for fear that he would rape them. There was that boy last month that the football team had beat the shit out of because he wore makeup. There was another who was in the hospital for weeks because he was caught kissing a boy.

When Monday rolled around Castiel was terrified. If he was hurt at school Michael would beat him if his grades slipped. Castiel walked into the school and no one noticed. Castiel walked down the hall and no one noticed. Castiel got to his locker and no one noticed. There were a few pushes into his locker but that was normal.

By third hour Castiel thought he might be lucky. Maybe they didn’t care enough about him to care that he was gay. No. Not gay. He can’t be gay. But then he saw Dean.

He was walking down the hall and he caught Castiel’s eye. He didn’t nod, he didn’t smile, he just stared. Castiel stared back long enough that he didn’t notice when someone came up and knocked the books out of his arms.

“Nerd!” Everyone laughed as Castiel bend down to pick up his books and someone kicked him in the ass sending him flying face forward into the floor. Everyone laughed but first bell rang and they all started getting to class. Fortunately Dean didn’t come to help him pick up his books, but unfortunately they shared the same chemistry class.

“Alright lab partners, we’ll be doing labs in class and it will be up to you to finish the worksheets and explain on your own. I need not remind you that this is worth 50% of your grade.” Inwardly Castiel panicked. Could he trust anyone in this class enough with 50% of his grade?

The teacher started handing out partners; “Winchester Novak,” he moved on and Castiel thought he’d just had a stroke. These labs were going to go on till the end of the year, four and a half months. He wouldn’t last. The teacher broke up the class and handed out the one hundred page binder filled with labs and reports. Right at that moment fate was on Castiel’s side because the bell rang and he beat it out there.

He got to lunch and sat at a lonely table. When Dean Winchester started picking on him a month ago his so called friends gave him a wide berth to stay away from the bully.

“Novak?” Castiel looked up from his sandwich and textbook to see Dean standing there. He was like a bad spell, think of him and he appears. “You are Novak aren’t you?”

“Uh- yeah.” He said after a long pause. Then Dean just pulled a chair and sat down like he was comfortable and had done this a million times. He took two bites of his sandwich, then put it back on his tray.

Noticing Castiel was staring: “What?” His green eyes were curious, and obviously oblivious.

“What are you going to do?” Castiel kept his anger up because if he didn’t he’d be terrified.

“What?”

“What are you going to do to me?” The green eyes were still clueless. “Just get it over with knock my tray on the floor, call me a fag, beat me up.” Dean was crestfallen. He knew he’d been an ass and he was a fool to think that once their hearts glowed that everything would be forgiven. He’d told Sammy what happened when John was out on a beer run. Dean knew the kid would understand he might be 14 but when he was 10 on the first day of fourth grade when Dean was dropping him off Sam’s heart started glowing like crazy. Her name was Jess and her parents were thrilled. Stunned, but thrilled. They became a safe haven for Sam. Dean was always invited, and he would go when he was hungry enough, but most times he let his brother stay and he wandered the city when he knew his brother was safe. Sam spent most weekends at Jess’s house and Dean was over the moon that Sam was happy. So they spent all weekend planning. Sam was sure that once Dean apologized and the guy got to know Dean (the real Dean) he would love him. Dean wasn’t so sure, he wanted to believe that he was the person Sam saw but he didn’t think it was possible.

“I’m sorry,” he said it to his hands and Castiel almost missed it. “I don’t have an excuse, I just…” Castiel didn’t understand but he felt sorrow and true repentance flow through him. Dean looked up and Novak was still eyeing him warily. “I don’t even know your name.” He laughed a bit at nothing funny.

“Castiel,” he looked as if he didn’t even want to trust Dean with that.

“Castiel? Huh, I thought your name was Jimmy. Well I’m Dean.”

“Yes, I know who you are.”

“Yeah, I guess…” Dean scratched the back of his head and threw a smile at Castiel. The dark haired boy refused to be swayed, even if his heart skipped for just a moment. “So what are we going to do about…”

“Don’t ever mention it again. If you do I’ll kill you.”

“Our lab partners?” Dean finished. His stomach dropped, the damage was done. Despite Dean feeling a tiny spark of _something_ (that he guessed Cas felt too) he’d fucked things up beyond repair. How could he get a soul mate to fall in love with him if he spent his days torturing the kid? The glowing hearts had been good for something, some piece in Dean clicked that day and he now knew it was ok to be gay. The universe sent him a glowing message and he was grateful. Now how should he make it right with Cas? “I’m sorry,” he whispered again, a mist clouding his eyes. The table was silent as Castiel looked awkwardly at his food.

“Listen…”

“Nah, Cas it’s fine,” he brushed and buried his feelings, “But we should talk about our labs,” Dean said it quickly. Hell it would be easy to not fall in love with Cas.

“Yeah, um I can do all the work, you just leave it with me.”

“What?” Dean was confused again, “I’m supposed to leave all my grades with you?”

Castiel was stunned, “ _You_ care about grades? _You_?”

“Course I do. How else am I going to get out of this back end town?”

“Um, ok wow…sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, I should be the one apologizing.”

“Yeah, well—” the bell rang, “Meet me in the library after school?” All Dean did was nod. Castiel looked back as he was leaving to see his lab partner carefully folding up his sandwich in napkins. _Whatever_.

“Bet he wishes his heart will glow.”

“Is that what you want faggot?”

“Wonder if he’ll kill himself if his heart glows and Winchester’s doesn’t.”

“You gonna kill yourself fag?” The whispers followed Castiel the rest of the day. He was so wound up from the new taunts and on edge from a potential ambush he forgot to meet Dean.

“Cas!” For a moment Castiel didn’t realize he was being called. “Novak!” He turned and saw Dean running at him. This wasn’t going to end well. “You were going to stand me up!” Dean was indignant.

“What? Oh.” Castiel remembered lunch. “I forgot.”

“You’d think for someone as smart as you, you wouldn’t forget so much.” Dean didn’t intend it to be mean or malicious but Castiel’s tight calm all day finally burst.

“Well when you spend all day being called faggot and hearing why don’t you just kill yourself you get a bit distracted! And maybe I should. It’d be a whole lot easier on everyone, no one would miss me.”

“Don’t.” He said it quietly, stopping Castiel’s rant. “Don’t kill yourself Cas.”

“Why not?” Castiel hadn’t shared this part of himself with anyone, not even Gabe. “Why would you care?”

“Because, if anything I suck at chemistry and I’ll fail without you.” Castiel gave a shaky laugh and Dean lit up. “You should smile and laugh more often.”

“With who, the people who beat me up?”

“Yeah about that…”

“I’m not yours to worry about.” The parking lot was silent between them, “Labs,” Castiel spoke over Dean’s open mouth. If they kept professional they’d forget the glowing hearts bull shit. They worked out a schedule where they would meet Tuesdays and Thursdays for two hours after school. When they were done planning a little kid had walked up to Dean, but instead of belting him like Castiel expected, Dean threw an easy arm around the kid’s shoulders.

“This is my brother Sam,” Dean sounded proud, “He’s a pain in the ass. Sam this is Castiel.” Sam nodded and then went over to a classic black car. “Do you want a ride? All the busses have gone…” Castiel was tempted, he’d already wasted enough time talking and if he walked home there would be more time gone and Michael would be pissed.

“Yeah, ok.” Dean beamed, his rough exterior all forgotten.

“Backseat Sammy, Cas gets shotgun.” There was a whine but Sam listened and climbed in the back.

“No one calls me Cas,” Castiel said as they were driving. Dean tilted his head in Castiel’s direction.

“Good.” He decided, “Cas suits you and I want to be the only one calling you Cas.”

Castiel didn’t say anything more because they’d pulled in front of his house and Lucifer was getting out of his car in the driveway.

“Fuck,” Castiel muttered and something in his tone made Dean look over in concern. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He got out quickly and went to his brother. Dean frowned when he saw the stormy look on the man’s face, that was a look he recognized all too well.

“Lucifer I can explain…”

“I took off work early because the maid said you didn’t come home and here you are _joy riding_.” Lucifer seethed, “Wave your boyfriend off, he’s staring.” Castiel turned and smiled at Dean who didn’t believe it for a second. But he knew it would be worse for Cas if he stayed, so he pulled away.

“He’s my lab partner, we got paired up today and it’s worth 50% of our grade. We were discussing a schedule and he felt bad I missed the bus.” Castiel explained quickly. He pulled out his lab notes, Lucifer would want proof.

That night, lying in bed before falling asleep Castiel looked up at the ceiling, his face was still raw from where Michael had slapped him, but that wasn’t what he was thinking of.

“Cas,” he said into the darkness. Dean was right it did suit him.


	3. After Michael Left

“Yeah that goes there,” They’d been working for two months together and Dean was crazy. It had taken a while for Cas to let go and of his intense fear of Dean. Once he knew Dean wasn’t going to hit him and he was truly and completely sorry for his actions he could be comfortable somehow. Cas knew all Dean wanted was forgiveness and once he gave it they became close friends. Though it didn’t help Dean, his plan of staying detached and professional had done jack. Cas was… _Cas._ There was so much more to the dude than being a nerd. Not that he ever shared with Dean. But Dean learned how Cas liked classic rock and hamburgers, his mouth would turn up in a faint smile. Or computer animation. Cas went nuts when they stopped by Gamestop and by nuts he meant Cas turned with a huge smile and said that was what he wanted to do with his life. And Dean fell even more in love.

They were in Starbucks, it was close to Sammy’s school (Dean had picked days that his brother practiced on the debate team so he wouldn’t have to tag along with Cas). Cas suggested the coffee shop because studying with Dean in the library was getting too hard. Everyone whispered and Cas didn’t want to be _that_ kid who had to stuck next to his protector so the bullies would leave him alone.

True to his word Dean never talked about what happened in the locker room and Cas was grateful. Cas refused to believe they were soul mates. The hearts mixed up or they glowed because Cas reminded Dean of his true love and Dean reminded Cas. That was it.

So there they were studying and talking about the new Diablo that just came out. Cas never played the games but the graphics were incredible. Dean had never picked up a consul in his life but he loved the way Cas talked about graphics and how when the dark haired boy got into it his hands gestured wildly.

“Castiel?” Cas we in the middle of talking about a program which created cloth when he heard his brother’s voice.

“Michael,” Icy eyes stared coldly between the boys and their forgotten labs. “This is Dean, he’s my lab partner.”

“Is that what they’re calling it?” Michael sneered softly and Dean raged and Cas could _feel it_. He could feel the warmth of Dean’s anger shared with him. Instinct took over and he grabbed Dean’s hand under the table. The other boy relaxed and a soft, incredibly faint glow shone from their chests. No one else noticed except the boys…and Michael. “Oh, I see.” He said dangerously and Castiel trembled. “Castiel we’re leaving.” Cas dropped Dean’s hand and fumbled with his books.

“Cas…”

“Don’t.”

“Castiel,” the bark came from the door and Dean’s heart broke because he knew he would just make it worse.

***

“You will not see that boy again.” Michael was quiet and Cas knew that he only had the car ride before his beating.

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“This is worth 50% of my grade. Dean is my lab partner, I’m not going to fail this class because of you.” It was worth a shot.

“What did you say to me you little shit?” They’d pulled into the driveway and Michael was hot on Castiel’s tails. “You’re going to try and use me so you can be with your boyfriend? Me?” He pushed Castiel donw on the floor kicking him in the stomach. The force of the blow knocked the breath out of the boy but Michael didn’t stop. He kicked a few times more before Gabriel came and pulled Michael off.

“Enough! He’ll pass out again if you keep this up! Check his bag to see if he’s lying.” Michael looked through Castiel’s bag and found the evidence he needed. Cas had  a split lip, a large bruise across his cheek, and his gut felt tight and heavy.

“Fine, you may study with him, but it will be here.” Castiel coughed and spit the blood out of his mouth but he was able to nod. “You’ll stay home tomorrow and work on your entrance papers.” Cas nodded again knowing the only reason for Michael’s generosity was because he didn’t’ want anyone to see Castiel’s face. Usually when he hit it would either be a slap that would fade quickly or something that could be hidden by clothing. He’d really lost it.

***

By the next night Cas was able to shower. He’s abdomen was covered with bruises but it wasn’t rigid so no internal bleeding. He was on his bed reading when Michael waved off saying he was going on a business retreat for the weekend and he was taking Lucifer.

“Don’t think you can try anything Castiel.” _Thanks, love you too brother_ Cas rolled his eyes. Michael had shared his plans with his brother that day, Castiel was to become a trial attorney and work for the Novak Group, “Because we need a good lawyer,” _great sentiment brother_.

Cas read for a few hours and nearly screamed when there was a knock on his window. On his second floor window.

“Dean!” The sandy haired boy grinned. It was an easy, goofy grin and it made and it made Cas just a little happier. Dean was sitting on the overhang outside of Cas’s window. Sometimes Cas would sit out there while his brothers slept wishing he was somewhere else.

“Hey Cas,” Dean sucked in a breath. He was worried all day when Cas hadn’t been in school and now seeing his face… all of Dean’s fears had been confirmed. It was worse than Sam because at least Dean could protect Sam, take the punches himself, but there was no way he could protect Cas.

“Dean why are you outside my window?”

“I wanted to know what the view was like?”

“Bullshit.” Dean laughed getting a tiny smile from Cas.

“I wanted to…yesterday…and you weren’t in school.” Cas’s eyes softened and Dean knew that was when Cas was thinking about his future.

“Dean…I—”

“This isn’t that,” intense green eyes sought blue, “I swear Cas it’s not the locker room.”

“Then what?”

“As a student in the school of hard knocks I always watch out, or I try.”

“You?”

“My dad, he stopped on me, now it’s Sammy but I protect him. You gotta know Cas this isn’t it. High school ends, you get to leave.”

Cas laughed hollowly, “Yes and got to Harvard and law school and be a lawyer. Great future.”

“What?” Cas looked sad and he rested his head on the window sill.

“Michael, my oldest brother told me I’m to become a lawyer and work at the family business.”

“Tell them to fuck off,” Cas looked stunned, “I’m serious it’s your life, fuck them just leave. You deserve the world.” The last sentence was said softly. “Hell I’d be out of here in a second if that didn’t mean leaving Sammy with the old man.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It’s not supposed to be.” They sat in silence for a while longer each comfortable.

“Are you cold?” Cas was freezing but he’d ignored it just to have Dean stay a little longer. It was nice to have a friend. A friend he could share things with, who he knew deep in his gut wouldn’t leave him.

“A bit,” Cas held his hand out and Dean stopped breathing just a little when he slotted his fingers with his love. “Is it safe?” He whispered when Cas pulled him through the window.

“Michael and Lucifer are gone for the weekend and the maid doesn’t work nights.”

“What about the sandy haired guy?”

“What?”

“I came earlier, right after school, and he answered the door. He kicked me out pretty quick but told me to come back after dark, showed me your window.”

“Gabriel,” Cas smiled, a broad and happy one that made him beautiful. “He’s my brother, he takes care of me.” They stood awkwardly for a moment in the middle of Cas’s bedroom.

“I don’t want to leave,” Dean whispered, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I don’t want you to go.” Cas said softly back. In an instant Dean had Cas in his arms. One arm wrapped around his waist and the other snaked up his back so his hand was curled in messy hair. He breathed deeply trying to memorize Cas’s scent and the feeling of the dip in his neck and shoulder would stay with Dean forever. Cas wound his arms around Dean, tentatively at first, but then with more confidence. He put both his arms under Dean’s jacket because it was warmer and the leather was hard, and Dean was soft and warm and muscle and…no, not gay. This was a friendly hug. Friends hugged, right?

“I can’t remember when I was ever hugged by anyone other than Gabriel.” Cas said into Dean’s shoulder and the other boy pulled away slightly. He looked at Cas’s lips but stopped himself, Cas was the one who had to make the first move, if Dean did it would only scare his soul mate away.

“Can I…stay?” Cas nodded and Dean rubbed the head underneath dark hair. The boy leaned into the touch and in the darkness the bruises were gone. He looked so utterly at peace that Dean fell deeper in love (if that was even possible).

“Stay,” Cas whispered closing his eyes, “Please Dean stay.” Cas ran his hands up and down Deans back and then pushed the leather jacket off. He felt cold everywhere with Dean’s missing arms and he held his hand out again to pull Dean down on the bed. He didn’t hold Dean or wrap his arms around the boy, but once they were settled side by side he held Dean’s hand. They didn’t speak but both fell asleep quickly.

***

“Cassie, Castiel.” Cas felt someone shaking his leg. Sometime in the middle of the night Dean had rolled and lay on his stomach with his arm across Cas’s chest and his leg tangled together with the other boys. “Castiel,” Gabe shook his brother again and Cas woke utterly comfortable.

“Wha—”

“Castiel the maid will be here in ten minutes.” That woke his brother up.

“Thanks Gabe,” His brother left, it was still just before dawn and Cas smiled down and the innocent face snuggled into his shoulder. “Dean,” he shook the boy. “Dean,” green eyes opened sleepily. “The maid will be here in a bit,” he laughed when the head dropped onto his shoulder. “You have to go, I’m sorry but you have to, if the maid catches you she’ll tell Lucifer or Michael.” Dean groaned softly and kissed Cas’s shoulder.

“Ok, ok,” he got up sleepily and grabbed his jacket.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?” Cas got up and grabbed Dean’s sleeve stopping him while he climbed out the window.

“Can you, would you…come back tonight?” Cas was incredibly apprehensive, he’d never asked anyone for anything. Dean didn’t answer but threw his arms around Cas and spun the boy around. Castiel could feel the happiness radiating from Dean and he laughed.

“You really want me to?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t,” Dean pulled back and again the only thing he wanted to do was move down and sink his lips into Cas’s. “You have to go. Michael will come back immediately if the maid tells him you’re here.” Dean let go and went to the window, his joy still flowing through Cas.

“Thank you Gabe,” Cas said softly when he found his brother in the kitchen.

“No problem baby bro,” Gabe said easily, he leaned in and dropped his voice, “I didn’t know you were…”

“I’m not.” Cas said quickly, “Dean is, but I’m not.”

“Ok, ok baby bro.” Gabe didn’t believe his brother for a second. He’d seen the soft glow coming from the two boys’ chests before he woke Castiel up. It was mesmerizing but Gabe didn’t want to push his brother. “I’ll get the maid out of here as early as I can, then I’ll order you some pizza and you two can do teenage boy stuff. I’ll watch out for you.”

“Would you?” Castiel seemed lost in thought, “If I asked would you…” No, he couldn’t think that. He was going to forget computer animation and become a lawyer. “Thank you,” he said again and went off to his room. He’d finished all the assignments Michael had given him and spent the day trying to read about the law and how to be a lawyer. He couldn’t concentrate. He would look at the clock and try to figure out how long it would be until Dean came. He longed to let everything go and be himself, he felt he could be an animator in Dean’s eyes. He could do anything in Dean’s eyes. Too bad it wasn’t true.

Hours later as soon as the door closed behind the maid Cas ran up to his room and Dean was waiting at the window. Cas beamed and Dean matched his grin.

“Hey Cas, how’s the weather?” and Castiel laughed, it was so easy, laughing around this boy. Dena’s heart surged knowing he made Cas happier. Once inside he held the boy he loved down to his soul. “Hey Cas,” he said much softer and this time Cas held him easily.

“You said that already Dean,” A chuckle rumbled in Dean’s chest.

“I wanted to say it again,” Dean breathed in Cas’s scent again. He didn’t change his clothes until just before he left for Cas’s. He wanted to stay wrapped in the smell that made him so incredibly comfortable. “Hey Cas.” This time Castiel laughed.

“We’re not going to get anywhere if that’s all you’re going to say.”

Gabe couldn’t hear what the soft voices were saying but his heart soared when he heard laughter. He didn’t think he’d ever heard Castiel laugh, truly laugh. True to his word he ordered pizza and then stayed at the other end of the house, he wasn’t going to leave in case Cas needed protection.

The boys had an amazing night. They stayed in Cas’s room eating pizza and looking at things on Cas’s laptop.

“I mean look at this! It’s wet fur, I don’t know how they do it!” Dean stared on in awe, he tried to beat down how much love he felt for Cas. It was getting so intense that he was sure Cas would be able to feel it. “Dean?” Cas looked away from the computer.

“Yeah?”

“I’ve never asked,” Cas looked at his hands, “What do you want to do? After high school…”

“Oh, umm…” Cas had never seen the strong boy so nervous, “Cars,” he said quietly and his face lit up, “I want to design cars,” and Cas beamed.

“You will be amazing at it.”

“Yeah, I won’t be able to start right away. I’ll wait until Sammy is old enough to leave. I just hope a college will accept me even though I’ll be taking a few years off.” Cas knew Dean had been thinking of this for a long time.

“Could you take Sam with you?”

“Yeah, but I couldn’t take him away from Jess.” Cas nodded sadly, once Sam had gotten to know Castiel the kid never shut up about his soul mate.

“He’d be ok, for a few years, you deserve the world too.”

“Yeah,” Dean threw down his crust in the box and leaned back on the bed. He wondered if he could get a few pieces to Sam, there was at least half of the pizza left and John had stopped buying food long ago. Cas saw Dean looking at the food, actually he saw Dean looking and sneaking food all the time. Cas had figured out long ago the food went to Sam and 90% of the time Dean went hungry to feed his brother.

“You better take the pizza when you go, if the maid finds the box Michael will beat me,” Dean nodded and started to get his shoes and jacket, “You don’t have to go now,” he said and he laughed at how quickly Dean sat down. “What do you want to do? Movie?” Dean nodded and sat closer to Cas, he rested his head on Cas’s shoulder as the dark haired boy started something on his laptop. They sat on the floor and tangled their fingers together, “Sorry I only have animated stuff.” Dean shook his head and snuggled in closer to Cas.

“This is fine Cas.”

“Dean I’m not…” gay, his mind whispered.

“I know, this is enough, please Cas just let me stay.” Dean pleaded, “This is enough.” Cas nodded.

“Ok Dean.”

Dean’s eyes dropped and by the end of the movie he was almost completely asleep. “Dean,” Cas smiled and shook the boy’s shoulder. “Dean it’s time to sleep and I can’t carry you to the bed.” He laughed softly when Dean’s arms came around his waist and a nose pushed deeper into his neck.

“Five more minutes,” Cas laughed turned into a squeak when they tumbled away from the bed and fell over on the floor. Dean was rolled over on top of Cas and he propped himself up  on his elbows to look down at the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. He leaned down and nuzzled his nose into Cas’s neck again.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“We should go to bed,” Dean pulled back a light in his eyes. “Bed,” and Dean brought them up. This time Cas didn’t hesitate but held Dean across his chest. “I can’t give you what you want.” He spoke into Dean’s hair, “As much as I want to make you happy I can’t give you that.”

“It’s ok, Castiel I’m ok.”

“Did you always know you were…”

“Not really, I’ve been with girls but it wasn’t ever right. I mean it was fun, but I think it’s supposed to be more than just fun. Have you?”

“No, I’m sure if I ever do it’ll be with someone of Michael’s choosing.”

“Cas…”

“Millions of people never get their heart to glow and they still find love,” Cas sighed, “You’ll become a famous car designer and find someone and be incredibly happy.”

“But what about you?” Dean felt Cas shrug.

“I’ll be fine.” For Cas’s sake Dean didn’t say anything but he could almost taste the lie.


	4. After Graduation

“Congratulations Class of 2014!” Hats flew in the air and everyone cheered. People hugged everywhere and Cas looked on with a smile. Dean was several feet away and Sam was in his arms. Jess was nearby and Cas’s heart was warm looking at how happy his friend was.

“Castiel.” Michael pulled his brother into a hug, though it was mostly for appearance sake. His eyes followed Cas’s and he gave a slight nod. “ You may spend the night with him. Tell him goodbye and then come home and start your future. Don’t let anyone catch you.” Of course Michael wouldn’t want to look bad. Cas nodded and turned to Dean.

“Dean,” the freckled boy grinned, “Hey Sam,” the younger boy smiled, “Could we…” his eyes returned to green orbs.

“Yeah, Sam go with Jess, don’t get into trouble!” He called after the two. Dean didn’t wait but pulled Cas to his car and then, after getting some food at the gas station, they drove and drove and drove and drove. They finally ended up in a field when Dean killed the engine. Cas got out of the car and Dean followed. He pulled the freckled boy into an embrace and arms wound around him easily. They both had on their graduation robes and after the quick embrace they unzipped and removed the polyester. Cas beamed at his best friend, Dean was Dean to his core. He was wearing jeans and a black tee shirt under the robe. He grabbed his leather jacket from the car and grinned at Cas.  

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so fancy.” Cas looked down at his suit and tie. They were slightly big for him and a little rumpled under the gown. “Although,” Dean pulled Cas in for another hug by his tie. “I like this.” Cas laughed and wrapped his arms around the best person he’d ever known. “Hey Cas,” they both laughed at the old joke. Michael or Lucifer had been present at all their study sessions for the past two months so they’d never had a moment alone since the weekend Cas’s two oldest brothers were away. “Congratulations, top of the class.” Cas shook his head into Dean’s chest.

“I don’t want to talk about it. I want to talk about animation and cars and Sam and you.” And they did just that. They lay across the hood of the car and Dean talked about engines and lines and air movement, and Cas talked about color and Mac vs. PC and blood splatter.

When it was full dark they lapsed into silence watching the stars.

“Cas?” Dean was lying across Cas’s chest keeping both of them warm.

“Yeah?”

“I lied earlier,” Cas looked down in confusion. “When you asked me what I wanted to do. I want…” he faltered and Cas knew what was coming. “I want you.”

“Dean…”

“No, don’t. Don’t say you’re straight, I don’t care.” He held Cas closer and buried his face in the warm chest. “Please don’t leave me, I don’t need sex, I don’t want any of that. I just want you.”

“Dean, stop you can’t want me.”

“I do, I’ve never wanted anything more,” Dean was desperate and when he looked up there were tears in his eyes. “Please Cas,” he moved up and Cas didn’t stop him when his lips were inches from his. “Please Cas,” the lips moved closer, “Please,” the lips sank down and melted into Cas’s.

Cas forgot the world as he pulled Dean into him. The larger boy rolled over and lay across Cas’s body and his hands pressed everywhere they could. Castiel wound his hands under Dean’s jacket and sighed when he felt a tentative tongue lick across his sealed lips. He opened his mouth just to feel more of that fiery passion. He pulled at Dean’s arms desperately and Dean pulled away so he could slide back and stand between Cas’s legs. He pulled Cas up by his tie again and neither waited but they fell into an open mouthed kiss. They held each other as tightly as they could, as if the other was the life preserver they so desperately needed. Their movements were frantic and the only thing their bodies could agree on was they wanted the other as close as possible. They kissed for who knew how long and when they broke away Dean rested his forehead on Cas’s shoulder feeling that he was going to die he was so happy.

“Cas, I love you.”

“I know.” Dean chuckled softly and ran a gentle hand up and down Cas’s side.

“Will you come away with me? I found a college a state over and they have a computer animation program. We can get an apartment. I’ll have Sammy with me for a few years, but we can be together, properly together. I love you so much. Let us be together, no brothers or fathers—” Cas let Dean babble on as he rubbed the short hair at the back of Dean’s head. He let himself sink into the fantasy like a warm bath. How he and Dean would fall asleep together and Dean would cook breakfast and Cas would make video games and after a few years they would marry and adopt and the best bit was that they would get to choose their own future.

Dean still talked on and on his excitement growing as he drove back to Cas’s house. He kissed Cas again and his happiness crashed into Cas until he couldn’t breathe.

“I’ll see you tomorrow? Meet me at the school and we’ll leave this shit hole behind.” Cas nodded just to see Dean light with joy again.

“Tomorrow.”

 

***

**10 Years Later**

“I don’t want to go!”

“Castiel you have to!”

“No I don’t!” Cas moved to the bathroom away from the messy bed. They’d nearly broken it this time. Ever since the letter arrived Cas felt like he was in heat. His cock ached when it wasn’t buried in his lover’s ass, and he’d had to go to the bathroom at work to jack off so many times the other special effects animators thought he had stomach flu. And it was always frantic and needy, like if he didn’t get off _now_ he’d explode. Even though both of them had a bed meeting at the seedy motel only amped up the passion. In this most recent fuck Cas hadn’t even waited to get to the bed, but thrust up as soon as the door was closed and a hungry mouth suctioned onto his neck. Cas was a noisy dude when it came to sex and when he came (three times, a personal best) the owner nearly beat down the door.

“You’re a big time animator now, the movie you just did won an academy award!”

“And everyone will be kissing my ass instead of kicking it! I’m not going!”

“So you’re not going to go to your high school reunion because some kids were mean to you? Very grown up.” Cas let out a groan, of course his lover was right.

“Fine I’ll go but I’m not signing any autographs.”

“That’ll show ‘em,” Cas looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and tried to see the scared boy of ten years ago. He was broader and more muscled now. His chest had widened and after discovering the benefits of a gym Cas was incredibly attractive. He ran a hand through his messy, brown hair, the only reminder of his past. That and the intense, squinty gaze, a gaze he now turned upon himself, particularly on the four or five hickies sucked onto his neck and chest. They would fade by the reunion and Cas fantasized about a wide, freckled mouth sucking new marks in the darkness of their school. The thought of being dirty in his old high school made Cas’s dick twitch…again. He sighed and examined the old scar over his left eyebrow, a parting gift from Michael when he said he was leaving. Cas sighed again and looked at his large hands as he left the bathroom.

“I hate the concept of reunions, they make you feel old, they force you to examine how much you’ve changed.” Meg chuckled as she pulled up her stockings and zipped up her slinky dress. She eyed his naked form approvingly and pulled at his flaccid cock earning a sigh and twitch. They’d met in some shitty hotel so her husband wouldn’t find them. Not that Cas minded when he did, he shared a secret smile at the thought the last time her husband walked in on them.

Meg was fun. She was flexible and didn’t mind that Cas screwed his eyes up during sex picturing someone else. She was open to whatever Cas wanted and never asked questions. She was even willilng to try anal sex, a concept that brought Cas to near completion. She mentioned Cas bottoming out for her on a strap-on, but didn’t ask questions when the idea was shot down. That’s what Castiel liked about Meg, she never asked questions, she just opened up and let him fuck her always at a frantic, chaotic pace. She didn’t even bring up the one time Cas had shouted out someone else’s name when he came.

“I suppose it would be too much if I ask you to come,” Meg laughed loudly.

“No, honey,” Cas pouted, “Don’t be petulant, you go an ex don’t you?” She read his averted eyes. “This has nothing to do with bullies, you don’t want to meet up with an ex.”

“He’s not…”

“He? Well that explains a lot.” Meg went into the bathroom to fix her makeup.

“I’m not gay.”

“I never said you were, but other than putting your dick in me, you’ve never been very interested in my body.” She puckered her lips. “Not that I’m complaining, you have a fantastic cock, but it explains a lot.”

She ruffled Cas’s hair and left while he sat on the bed and pondered her talk. In the past ten years had he ever been interested in female bodies? Sure he slept with a lot of women, he’d lost count in college, the one night stands, the drunken encounters in bathrooms. Cas was trying to repress something big and sex allowed him to forget and fantasize for just a little while. But they were really just a replacement. A waiting for someone type of feel.

The truth was Cas was going to his high school reunion. He’d booked a hotel room the second the invitation was opened, but he see-sawed forever. Going meant seeing _him_. Going meant revisiting his worst mistake. Going would only remind him of what a terrible person he was.

How could he not go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun right? I have one more chapter after this, but let me know if I should add more. I feel like I should, but I need feedback!


	5. After Ten Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you waited long enough? I think so! Thanks to all the wonderful comments!

The school gym was decorated with prom tables. Cas gagged at the amount of sparkle everywhere. This reunion would last an arduous two days. Tonight a dinner and speeches and tomorrow a dance, both of which Castiel had little interest in, he only came for one reason. Two thousand thoughts rushed his mind from everything to did he lock his car door to did he leave the water running in his motel. Cas had no other word to describe himself as he walked into that school.

That was it. He was beyond a pile of nerves, he’d been longing for _him_ for what was it four years… _bull shit_ his mind told him. _You’ve been longing for that man for fourteen years_. Cas grumbled, why the hell couldn’t his mind shut up? He was near the point of trembling, and it wasn’t just memories of bullies and wanting to die as his school loomed in front of him. What if he refused to listen? Then his mind added that extra knife in his back and reminded him of the pain of that day, and Cas looked at the parking lot and thought about waiting there. Waiting all day and into the next hoping against hope that perhaps…

He sighed and moved into the front doors. As he predicted as soon as he walked in he was surrounded. All the kids-turned-adults fawned over him because he made a stupid one minute speech on television.

“Thanks, thank you, no I don’t do autographs. Thanks,” Cas was desperate, why the hell didn’t he bleach his hair, or dye his eyebrows, or at least wear a hat? Someone just out of his vision tilted his lips in a faint smile at how adorable Cas’s floundering with his newfound celebrity status was. Castiel was saved, for the moment, when someone the people actually knew showed up. He took a breath and across the room like the parting of the fucking Red Sea there he was.

He’d changed. He’d become a man, his face was incredibly beautiful and Cas couldn’t breathe for a moment. Inwardly he smiled, Dean was Dean, he had on his familiar black tee shirt and jeans but unfamiliar tattoos poked out on his biceps and neck. He was leaning against a pillar and his expression was hard to read. He’d spotted Cas the moment he walked in and those hard green eyes were expressionless as he watched Castiel.

Cas met the stare and the world stopped between them. His sandy hair was longer and swooped back in a pompadour and every so often he took a pull on his beer and Cas wished desperately those lips could be on him. But wave after wave of despair crashed into him as he realized he’d fucked everything up too much to ever hope for Dean’s forgiveness. Cas would never forget the last emotion he’d felt through his soul. Dean was joyful that morning, but as the day wore on… Cas felt denial, perhaps Cas was late (he was on his way) he would be there soon. The denial nearly killed Cas but it was nothing compared to the tiny bits of doubt and sorrow that grew stronger with each passing minute. Then when Cas was about to break down and go to Dean there was a strong surge of grief and the pain that Cas was never going to come. After that the emotions stopped and Cas felt nothing. How could he be forgiven for that?

It had been a long time since Dean had felt any emotion from Cas. There was the one panic filled night when he’d woken at two AM feeling like he’d been shot in the temple. He was beyond terrified and was dialing Cas’s number with shaking fingers when he felt something. It wasn’t happy or sad, the best way Dean could describe was…freedom. He’d gotten himself to believe the pain was just a headache but now he saw the proof covering half of Cas’s forehead. After that the emotions were few and far between, but over the last few years a longing had settled into Dean and it wasn’t until this moment did he realize that longing wasn’t his. It rolled through Cas and into Dean like the tide. Fear, trepidation, despair, and sorrow were quick to follow, and Dean frowned.

Ten years had been kind to Castiel. He was beyond gorgeous, he had muscle and he’d become a man, not the skinny boy Dean had fallen in love with. When Dean had turned on the TV a year ago and saw his Cas accepting an award for a film he had worked on he was stunned.

“I want to thank my brother Gabriel, and…” Dean was about to turn the TV off when Cas paused and teared up very slightly, “I want to thank the one person who believed in me when I didn’t, who accepted me when I was completely alone, and who I don’t deserve…” The music swelled and Cas shouted something into the off microphone that no one heard but Dean read his lips. _Dean_.

He tilted his head ever so slightly and the other man sucked in a breath. He didn’t look to see if Cas was following him but set his beer down and walked out of the gym. He made his way through the darkened school to the locker room. Cas followed but was a lot farther behind, when he got to the benches he saw Dean sitting quietly staring at a spot on the lockers.

“It was here,” he didn’t look at Cas but he knew the man was there.  “Right there. I was so angry and you were saying these things and I just wanted you gone. Then that fucking light shone…it was like I was reborn. It was the ok I needed to be who I wanted. That it was fine for me to be gay.” He looked and saw Cas as if for the first time, but before he could say anything Cas fell to his knees and bowed his forehead on Dean’s jean clad knee.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to leave, I was wrong, I hurt you, I’m so sorry, I’m—”

“Cas…”

“No. I have to say this. I. Hurt. You.” Dean blinked hard at the intensity. “I don’t deserve anything, what I did—I…” Cas swallowed and cried quietly, Dean’s eyes misted when he felt the hot tears on his knee. “I had to tell you this. I want…no, I’ll never bother you again, I just need you to know how so—”

“Cas if you say sorry one more fucking time.” Cas looked up with tear filled eyes. Dean cupped the face at his knee with one hand and let another roam through dark hair. Cas leaned into the touch, unsure where to go next. “I forgive you.” Dean whispered quietly.

“How?”

“I seem to remember you forgave me for torturing you for years.” The truth was Dean hurt bad for a month or two but as soon as college started he understood. Cas had made the right decision.

“I regretted it the moment I walked away. But…I had to. You would have been another Michael for me.” The hand in his hair froze, “Not in a bad way but I would have killed myself trying to give you what you wanted.”

“I would have only wanted you happy.”

“I know, but _I_ didn’t know what made _me_ happy. I would have designed video games and taken care of Sam and learned all about cars and I would have tried to be the happy I thought you wanted. I wouldn’t have tried to find my happiness because I was already making you happy…I’m not explaining this very well,” he finished frustrated.

“Nah, I get it. It’s like a blue scarf.” Cas looked confused, “You would have only worn a blue scarf because you thought I liked it and never realized that you like green scarves.” Cas stared dumbfounded, that was exactly what he was trying to say but how did Dean figure it out? “Shut up, I was really angry when you didn’t show and S-someone explained it that way.”

“Was that someone Sam?”

“Fuck off.” Dean let out a small grin at Cas’s loud bark of laughter.

“There was something else,” Cas said after a pause, he rested his head on Dean’s thigh, he didn’t think he could say this looking into those green eyes, the hand still traced patterns into his scalp calming him. “I wanted to make something of myself…something to make you proud, to be worthy of you…” he said meekly. Dean was silent for a long time.

“Me too,” Cas almost missed it. “I could have easily found you, but I didn’t want to show up with nothing, I wanted to prove to you that I was good. That I wasn’t just some nobody kid who loved you. I wanted to be more.”

“You were never a nobody to me.”

“Only after our hearts glowed, before I was your bully.”

“No,” Cas looked up, “I—it was freshmen year, first day, first hour English. I was worried about Lucifer and you smiled at me and borrowed me a pencil. You told me not to be nervous, and if I wanted I could cheat off your papers.” Dean groaned loudly and Cas laughed again.

“I was such a little shit,” Dean’s voice was fond.

“Was it true that you carried a switch with you at all times? And that you put corn into the principal’s gas tank?”

“The first no, the second innocent until proven guilty,” they both laughed, filling the quiet room.

They quieted and Cas tried to convince himself this was actually happening. How could Dean forgive him? So he turned and pulled himself up on his knees to kneel between Dean’s legs. He ran his hands all over Dean’s chest just to see if this was for real. When Dean didn’t stop him, Cas glided his fingers over stubble, cheek bones, lips, nose, everything. Dean closed his eyes and hummed when Cas replaced his fingertips with his lips. There was no pressure to the soft kisses but more love and comfort than either had felt in ten years.

“I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you.” Cas murmured, his lips somewhere near Dean’s temple.

“I’m sorry I put you in the position to make a decision like that.” Cas pulled away looking confused. “I didn’t really leave you a choice, Cas, it was me or Michael in my mind, not you.”

“Then I guess we both have things to make up for.” Dean gave a wicked grin.

“What if I fuck your brains out so hard you won’t be able to walk?” Cas shivered and then tilted his head and squinted at Dean.

“Just the once?”

“I hope not,” Dean laughed.

“Good,” Dean laughed again feeling truly happy for the first time since high school. He had his soul mate back. “I have to make it up to you Dean,” Cas pulled away before Dean could kiss him.

“Kiss me,” Dean whispered as he started on Cas’s neck but the other man pulled away too quickly.

“Ok,” he stood and held his hand out. Dean was confused but took his love’s hand. Cas led them back through the school to the prom tables. Some girl was in the middle of a speech and Cas walked boldly up to the microphone dragging Dean with him.

“I have an announcement.” Then without hesitation or warning he turned and pulled Dean’s face into his. There was no trepidation or nervousness but Cas just opened his mouth and played with Dean’s tongue and holy fucking _damn_ Dean had his tongue pierced. Cas growled in approval as Dean’s arms wound around him so their bodies melted into one. After a heated moment more Cas pulled away and tilted his head again. “That what you mean?” All Dean could do was nod, and Cas beamed, “If you’re the owner of a red Ford your lights are on.” He deadpanned into the microphone and Dean nearly fell over laughing. Cas hooked a finger into his belt and pulled Dean away who had tears rolling down his face.

Cas didn’t even have to wonder which car was Dean’s, the classic black Impala was hard to miss. He pushed Dean into the car and wedged his body between Dean’s legs.

“I didn’t know you were this forceful,” Dean said playfully as his hands roamed Cas’s back.

“I didn’t know you had a tongue stud.” Dean flicked it out smiling darkly.

“Like it?” He opened his mouth for Cas to look, but Cas just shoved his tongue in and suctioned on. He held Dean’s head pushing him into his mouth, actually pushing everything into Dean, his desire, his love, his shaft which was standing to grand attention. He rubbed himself into Dean who groaned into the kiss.

Dean’s arms were all over Cas, finally, _finally_ he had his soul mate. Cas was in his fucking arms and he could die happy in this moment. But Cas had changed, he’d become more _Cas_. He was funny and gorgeous and forceful and the man he wanted to be. He wasn’t Michael’s project or someone trying to please Dean. He was himself and that was hot as fucking hell. What else was hot as fucking hell was the hand moving down to palm him right in the freaking parking lot.

“Shit, Cas,” Dean panted as he saw stars, “Cas, baby, you need to stop.” The lust blown eyes looked up sadly in alarm. Dean cupped Cas’s face with both his large hands, “I want our first time together naked, in a bed, and without a crowd,” he nodded and Cas looked back seeing five smokers trying to look like they weren’t watching. Dean moved away and held the passenger door open for Cas who got in without hesitation.

“So you know what I do, what about you? Did you become a car designer?”

“Careers? Really?”

“Well it’s either that or I’m going down on you and you want to “be naked and in a bed”,” he used air quotes and Dean laughed, “So careers.”

“Yeah, I’m a designer, I work for Bugatti, and I spend half my year in Italy.”

“Wow, that’s amazing.” Cas leaned in and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder, “I’m so proud, you got exactly what you wanted.”

“I didn’t have you.” It was quiet but it was said.

“I know, but I would have held you back.” Dean didn’t say anything but he knew it was true. They were 18 and had no idea what it was like to live without their abusers. Now they were men with their lives before them. “And now you have me.” Came the whisper and neither knew who’s heart soared first but they just shared the emotion.

When they got to the hotel Dean groaned. It was one of those over the top posh places with a butler in every bathroom. “I’m sorry man,” Dean glanced at Cas who’s eyes were wide. “My secretary booked the hotel.” Cas giggled.

“Your secretary? You’re so full of shit.”

“I totally could have a secretary!”

“Uh-huh and I have 17 interns lapping at the small bits of wisdom I deign to give out.” They argued over who was more full of shit as they walked into the hotel. The older gentleman behind the desk was too much of a professional to sneer but his nose turned up in the slightest degree. He checked them in with grace and Cas almost laughed at the tiny look of horror when Dean waved off a bellboy showing them to the room.

“Dean I don’t think you’re allowed to curse in here.” Cas giggled when they got into the empty elevator.

“Oh?” He planted Cas across the wall pushing his arms above him and suctioned on to the neck he’d been dying to taste all night. “Don’t think we’re supposed to do this either.” He licked and sucked and loved the scratchy stubble on his lips. His love sighed and ran a hand through Dean’s hair and he made sure to run his stud across the warm, red flesh getting a shuddering moan in reward.

“Oh fuck, Dean,” and he smirked against Cas’s neck. He pulled back and grinned, his entire face clouded with lust. The elevator dinged but neither heard.

“Careful Cas-ti-el, that sounded like a curse.” Cas rolled his eyes and practically ran in the direction of Dean’s room. He was hopping from foot to foot when his soul mate finally came to the door, but Dean decided to turn into a fucking tease. He “dropped” his bag, and then the key, and then he had “trouble” figuring out how to swipe the card in the door. Well two can play at that game.

Making sure no one was around Cas leaned in and ghosted his hand over Dean’s shaft. This time Dean actually did drop the key and Cas took the opportunity while Dean was bending down to rub himself into his love’s ass. They had practically started dry humping when a door opened down the hall. It was hilarious how quickly their door was opened and the two men tumbled inside. Cas laughed but it died when he was spun around and pressed into the closed door. Dean didn’t wait but filled Cas’s mouth with his tongue, hot and passionate. He pulled back and smiled as Cas tried to chase his lips with needy moans. He tugged on Cas’s tie to pull his best friend into him.

“I knew I liked these.” Dean smirked into Cas’s mouth and gave the tie a tug. He pulled at clothes and soon shirts, ties, and jackets were flying. They returned to passionate kissing before the cloth even settled onto the ground, their naked torsos melting together as if no time had been spent apart. Dean’s mind fused out as he frantically traced muscle and Cas was in awe of all the tattoos covering Dean’s chest. All movement was energetic and desiring only to pull the other in closer. Cas wondered vaguely if the person who invented tongue piercings knew what they were doing because he was pretty sure he was addicted to the sensations rolling around in his mouth.

When they pulled away Dean was so lust blown that all he could do was connect foreheads with Cas and pant. And for a while it was all Cas could do too. He recovered slightly faster than the freckled man so he slid his hands behind jeans and boxers to dig his nails into firm flesh and pull that perfect ass even closer into himself.

“I think if we were stark naked and lying on top of one another I still would want you closer,” Cas whispered hearing ragged breathing. “I need to feel you in every atom of my being and even then I don’t know if that would be close enough.” Dean pulled back slightly to look in blue eyes. He didn’t need to say a word, Cas knew he felt the same.

“Bed,” came the breathy whisper, “Now.” Cas smiled and started to suck a hickey on Dean’s shoulder.

“You’ll have to pick me up because I’m never letting go of this ass.” A chuckle vibrated through him. Dean hooked his arms under Cas’s ass and the shorter man wound his legs around Dean’s waist, “Oh,” he groaned, “We’re so having sex in this position,” Dean laughed and thrust up a few times earing a moan every time. “Bed,” Cas choked out, “I’m not gonna…”

Dean got them to the bed quickly and stripped Cas of the rest of his clothes. He was afraid Cas had finished with the amount of spunk in his boxers but it was all pre-cum. Knowing he was sending Cas over the edge before he got a chance to fill him he leaned down and took the leaking shaft into his mouth. Darned if it all Cas was just going to have to come twice. If Cas was addicted to the stud before…it was nothing compared to the sensations of it now. It rolled over his head, along his slit, down his shaft, around his balls. After one long pull it flicked over his tip and he came with a shout, pulling on Dean’s hair and yelling Dean’s name.

“Never,” Cas panted, “Never get rid of that.” Dean laughed as he shucked the rest of his clothes and climbed up the sated body. He ran his tongue everywhere and soon Cas was hard again and begging.

“Please say you have lube, you better have come prepared.”

“You must be great on your partners, expecting them to bring everything.” Dean teased, “So tell me how many men?”

“Partners? Now? Really?” Dean chuckled.

“Seems as good a time as any,” he strolled leisurely to his bag.

“None.”

“Don’t lie Castiel, you’ve had experiences.”

“Not with men, I…” he faltered and understanding green eyes were by his side. “I always knew it was you and I didn’t want to be with any other man if I couldn’t have you.”

Dean fell even harder in love.

This time his kiss was slow and passionate. He took his time tasting Cas and he rolled himself between his soon to be lover’s legs pulling a knee up on either side of his hips. Without breaking the slow kiss he rubbed lube on his fingers and moved down to Cas’s hole. The mouth connected to his gasped at the touch but relaxed as Dean licked the inside of Cas’s mouth. He slowly began pumping in one finger curling it every so often earning a full body pulse in response. When he was ready Dean added another finger and pulled away from the kiss. He wanted to see Cas’s eyes and they were so lust blown Dean wanted to come right there. When Cas was fully prepped Dean removed his four fingers and kissed his soul mate one more time.

“Ready?” Cas held onto Dean’s shoulders and nodded. Dean rolled his hips up and both groaned when he sank in. Dean’s eyes rolled back and he closed his lids as he rested the weight of his torso on Cas and his forearms.

Cas had never felt so complete. His lover was perfect and just looking at Dean made Cas’s heart burst with joy. He looked so content thrusting in and out of Cas that Cas knew the hot coil in his belly wasn’t just the oncoming orgasm but Dean. If he hadn’t been so engrossed in watching Dean’s closed eyes and feeling Dean’s pulsing shaft piston in and out of him Cas would have missed it.

At some time Dean had pulled both of them up so Cas was bringing himself down and riding Dean’s cock and Dean’s face was buried in Cas’s neck. He wound his hand around Cas’s throbbing cock and the other arm wrapped around his love to give support as Cas returned his hands to massaging his favorite firm ass. It was when both of them were seconds from coming that their hearts glowed.

“Dean,” Cas panted, “Look,” green eyes opened and they both froze in shock as the light flowed out of their chests and created a bridge between the two hearts. Dean thrust up or Cas dropped down but soon both were shouting and coming and the light shone on.

When they slowed the light faded and dimmed to nothing as they lay and panted together.

“Well I’ve never heard of that happening before.” Cas lazily traced one of Dean’s tattoos while the other looked at his soul mate.

“Maybe it’s a secret.”

“Only brought on by orgasm,” Dean threw his head back and laughed.

“Were you always this funny and I just missed it?”

“I think I was too scared to be,” Cas looked up from the tattoo and into green eyes.

“Hey Cas.” They both smiled.

“Hey Dean.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” And they didn’t need their connection to tell how intense the emotion was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have another two chapters giving a recap of what happened to Dean and Cas in their years apart, but after that...? What do you think? You want more?


	6. After the First Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being so patient! I'm working on another fic right now that will be a Harry Potter/Supernatural crossover so I've been busy but here you go!

Dean stared at the ceiling as Cas slept nuzzled as deep as he could get into Dean’s shoulder. They’d fallen asleep just after their hearts glowed, well Cas fell asleep, Dean only allowed himself a light doze. He was terrified if he fell totally into slumber then all this would disappear. He would wake and Cas would be gone again. It was his most common nightmare. He’d dream and Cas was in his arms and he’d wake to an empty bed. So he refused sleep.

Cas shifted slightly, his arm tightened around Dean’s torso and his legs slotted just a bit closer with his lovers, as if (even in sleep) he could sense his soul mate’s distress. His heart glowed faintly washing them in warmth, love, support, and the steadfast assurity that Cas would never leave. All those years they spent apart were gone and Dean would be lost no more. He sighed and sank into the warmth and a blissful, quiet sleep washed over him.

Sadly the comfort was short lived because when Dean woke Cas was gone. He tried to stay calm. But when he checked the bathroom and the small sitting room there was no lover. He was in full on panic attack mode when the door opened and Cas came in carrying two coffees.

“I remembered you liked yours black and this hotel has shit coffee so I went—” he stopped when he saw the panic in Dean’s eyes. “Oh baby,” Cas held the naked man and Dean buried his face in Cas’s chest. The dark haired man hummed and rubbed circles on Dean’s back and the trembling slowed to nothing. “Hey,” he said softly when he knew Dean had calmed. The sandy hair pulled back and green eyes met his, “I’m never leaving you again.” The eyes softened.

“Prove it,” Dean challenged with a small smile.

“I intend to.” Cas kissed all over Dean’s face, the taller man closed his eyes in the utter contentment his soul mate was giving him. “Dean?”

“Hmmm?”

“As much as I love you naked and pressed against me, I too would like to be naked and pressed against you.” Dean laughed and pulled at clothes until Cas was as naked as he was. Before he could start anything Cas grabbed the coffee and breakfast sandwiches and hopped on the bed.

“So what’s the story with the tattoos?” They were done eating and it seemed Cas’s new favorite thing was lying on his stomach across Dean and tracing the black scrolls all over his chest.

“They’re umm…” Dean blushed and looked incredibly apprehensive. “My diary,” he mumbled. Cas simply looked up and waited. “I wanted… to keep account of everything that happened, here,” he pointed to hard curving lines that shaped into a car, “I got that the day after I started at Bugatti. Here,” he found a patch of soft wispy lines, “The day before Sammy married Jess. Here,” a black spot, “When my dad died.” He said quietly. He lapsed into sad silence so Cas took over.

“Here?” he pointed at beautiful lines that looked like a flower and Dean beamed.

“My first niece, Lilly, and here,” a small Tonka truck, “Benji.”

“Here?” There was a mess of tangled lines. They started off flowing but then ended jagged. Dean hesitated.

“Ummm, that was Bal.”

“Bal?”

“Balthazar. We, um, he was my…”

“Boyfriend?” Cas supplied.

“Yeah we went out for a bit.”

“Must have been longer than a bit if you got this,” Cas was gentle, “How long?”

“Five years.”

“When did you…”

“Last month,” came the whisper, “I got the reunion letter and told him I was going. He knew about you, not as a soul mate, but that you were my first and he told me I was only going to get my heart broken, that you left me once, you’d leave me again.” Cas pulled Dean in tighter. “And I said I wasn’t going for you I was going for me just to see if…” Dean swallowed. “And he left. Said he wasn’t going to compete with a ghost, especially one I didn’t have a chance with.”

“I’m sorry.”

Dean shrugged and wrapped his arms around Cas. “He was wrong,” he kissed Cas’s nose.

“Well I’m not sorry it ended, but I am sorry you were hurt.”

“Nah,” Dean shrugged again, “We stopped working a while ago, he was just a replacement for you.” Cas settled his head on Dean’s chest listening to a heartbeat. “Your turn.”

“What?”

“I shared about Bal, now you.”

“I told you last night, I was never with a man.”

“Women then, you weren’t a virgin last night.”

Cas sighed and continued tracing Dean’s tattoos. “I’m…” Dean was going to hate him. “I’m what you would call…”

“Spit it out Cas.”

“A slut,” he whispered. He was nearly thrown from the bed because Dean was laughing so hard. He glared and Dean quieted after a good long while. He did try to look guilty, a look that was ruined by a giggle and wiping tears away.

“Ok you’re a…”

“Fuck off.” Cas was beyond pissed. He’d been terrified of sharing this, Gabe didn’t even know the extent of his bed hopping, and here Dean was _laughing_.

Dean felt the surge of anger through him and he calmed immediately. “Cas,” he reached out for a hand but was hit away.

“I had to bury you, ok?!” Cas left the bed and began to pace. “I will never. _Ever_. Forget the pain I caused you that day. Sex helped me forget so I had sex, I had a lot of sex. The first time… I could almost forget that pain so I kept fucking any girl who would open her legs and there were _hundreds._ ” He grew louder not thinking what he was saying,“I had to forget how awful I was. I was the worst person in the world so the sex, and alcohol, and—” he stopped himself dead, an icy drop landed in Dean. He knelt on the bed and stayed just within reach of Cas.

“Drugs?” The question was so soft, so gentle that Cas nodded and Dean’s heart broke. He reached for his soul mate but his hand was swatted away again. “Cocaine? Meth?”

“Vicodin. After Michael…” Cas gestured to the semi-large scar on his forehead, “I was given Vicodin and for the first time since graduation I felt at peace. I was pain free. And when I slept you were there again. You weren’t angry, you forgave me, and…and we were happy. I…I went to harder stuff when the Vicodin stopped working…” he breathed, not able to look at Dean.

“How long?”

“I was able to hide it for a while, but Gabe caught me and got me into rehab and therapy.”

“How long, Cas?”

“Four years.”

“Baby—” Dean took Castiel in his arms and buried his face in Cas’s neck. He was so stupid and prideful for so long. If he’d just accepted Cas earlier and gone to him perhaps he could have saved his soul mate more agony. If it had been just one moment less of pain Dean would have felt better. “I’m sorry. Baby I’m so sorry.” He cried into Cas’s shoulder.

“It’s ok, I’m ok, I’m better. I learned that I deserved to want more, that it was all right to walk away. It was better for both of us.” He held Dean and they both stood silently for a while.

“So a slut?” Dean pulled away with the ghost of a smile.

“Shut up.”

“How many?”

“I honestly don’t know. Most of the time I was drunk or high.”

“Any recently?” Cas looked like he wanted to evade, “Hey it’s ok.”

“Yeah,” Dean rubbed Cas’s head, “Two days ago.” Dean jumped, “But she means nothing. We’ve only been fucking for a year or a little more. I’m what you would call…ah revenge.”

“You? A revenge fuck?” Dean reminded himself he had to stop seeing Cas as a frightened boy but a man with more experience than him.

“Meg is…Lucifer’s wife,” Dean hooted, ok Cas was a little proud. “They married two years ago and she came to me after his fourth or fifth affair. When he followed her and caught me…” Ok Cas was a lot proud.

“Did he go after you?”

“Oh yes, but I don’t go to the gym to look at men. I laid him out cold.”

“And then what?”

“We fuck like rabbits, we’re both careful about our ah—love marks. Seem to “forget” not to make them.” Dean was in awe.  This was nowhere near the shy, quiet boy he fell in life with, this man was far better. “Well I should say fucked. There’s only one person I’ll ever fuck again.”

“Awww.”

“And he’s going to be here soon so can we wrap this up quickly?” Cas pretended to check an invisible watch and Dean stuck his tongue out and pinched Cas’s ass. The other man laughed and picked up Dean tossing him on the bed.

“Strong and forceful, I like it.” Dean smiled at the hooded look in Cas’s eyes.

“I have a question,” Cas crawled slowly up Dean’s body with a hot, open mouth. He spent extra time rolling the hardening nipples in his mouth. Dean mewed and moaned and pushed his chest into the torturing mouth as his hands pushed dark brown hair harder into his skin. Cas smirked around the nipple and opened his mouth even wider just to pinch the skin between his teeth earing a moan rivaling a shout.

“Oh Cas…fuck, so good, I love you so much, so good…” Dean was incoherent by the time Cas had sucked two large hickies around his nipples. He crawled slower stopping every few seconds to suck new marks. “So question,” Dean panted, his cock was so hard and he needed Castiel _now._

“You want to see how much of a slut I really am?”

“Ohhhh fuuck,” Dean groaned, “You’re going to kill me.”

“Well we can’t have that.” Cas dragged his hand down and pulled at his favorite part of anatomy and he was glad he never slept with a man, he was over the moon that Dean was his first and only. Dean groaned loudly again, waking Cas up. “Careful Dean,” he chastised, “It sounds like you’re coming undone,” and Dean could only moan in agreement. Cas moved away and seconds later Dean felt the bottle of lube in his hand. “Prep me. No.” He hit Dean lightly when the man moved to rolled on his side to get to Cas. He pushed his lover on his back and put several pillows under Dean’s head and, oddly enough, under Dean’s hips so his cock was standing twice as high. He straddled his soul mate’s neck and pressed his cock in, getting precum allover Dean’s face. “Prep me,” the order came again.

Green eyes looked up at him and hands covered his ass. He flicked his stud to remind and send even more heat through his lover. He took a long pull, keeping that blessed eye contact, as he worked lube onto his fingers and he loved the darkening look in Cas’s eyes. Cas pushed his ass into wide hands and fingers as they massaged him at a tortuously slow pace.

“You don’t hurry up you won’t see my party trick Winchester.” Cas growled out. Fucking hell he was addicted to that tongue stud. It was a cool jolt on Dean’s hot tongue and he knew exactly how to use it. “I promise,” he locked eyes and took in the full mouth under him, “You’ll love it.” Dean groaned at the heated words and pushed his finger in. Cas’s body vibrated in response and he let himself forget and sink in to the feeling of being blown and filled. He smirked and knew he would have to thank Meg and six years of yoga for this next move.

Dean thought his life couldn’t get any better, he had the perfect cock he’d dreamed of for nearly eleven years in his mouth, and his fingers up the most fantastic ass he’d ever come across. The best part? He was head over heels in love with the dude. Bal was good, almost great, they had fun and he taught Dean how to be a fantastic lover, but this was _Cas_. Dean’s life couldn’t be better.

 Then Cas moved.

For a moment Dean thought that Cas was pulling away and he wrapped an arm just above Cas’s ass to keep him where he was. But Cas had other thoughts. He moved the hand so it was palm up and splayed across the small of his back and then grabbed Dean’s hips, threw a small wink at Dean and rolled back arching his chest up in a half circle. He dropped his head between his arms and Dean realized why there were pillows propping his hips up. A mouth pulled on him and Dean was beyond undone, not only what was going on to his body but the image of Cas _literally_ bending over backwards to blow him was indescribable.

Both of them sucked and swallowed in a rhythm all their own while Dean continued to add fingers to Cas’s hole. In his position Cas could easily take all of Dean in down his throat and Dean enjoyed swirling his stud around the heated flesh filling his mouth. Dean gave all his strength to Cas helping hold him up  and by the time the fourth finger was added that back was quivering and covered in sweat. Dean sighed when the amazing hand pulled away from his shaft, and he whined when the cock was taken out of his mouth.

“Sit up.” Cas’s voice was hoarse and ragged and easily the sexiest thing Dean had ever heard. The pillows were thrown away and Cas took the bottle from Dean’s side. He coated his favorite shaft and then pushed Dean’s legs open so he could lay on his back between them. He connected his ankles behind Dean’s back and pulled his lover into him. Once he was fully sheathed Dean called out and ran his hands all over Cas’s body. Dean started thrusting his hips and Cas grabbed his sides so hard Dean was sure he would have bruises. They both started yelling out and this time Dean watched as his love and best friend fell to pieces between his legs.

“Dean, I love, Dean, I love,” It was a mantra that Cas moaned over and over until Dean was sure he didn’t even know what he was saying but that was ok. Dean knew how his soul mate felt and he took one of Cas’s hands from his hip and connected their fingers and palms as he thrust in.

Both could feel they were close and in another awesome move Cas sat up and pushed Dean back on the pillows. He brought himself down not only on the shaft he was addicted to, but the tongue as well. Keeping his legs hooked firmly around Dean’s waist they rolled over the bed, their mouths and bodies a hot mess.

After a spectacular thrust hitting the awesome spot within Cas they both came with their tongues melted together and Dean deep inside his lover. They kissed for what felt like hours just curled in on one another’s hot, sweaty bodies. Cas forgot that soon he would feel uncomfortable and Dean couldn’t remember than the drying cum on his stomach would get itchy quickly. When these things were remembered Cas pulled away with a groan and Dean itched his abdomen.

“So did you leave after graduation?” Dean’s room did have a perk, there was a giant hot tub in the bathroom and currently Dean was enjoying a back rub as the water surged around them.

“Yeah, me’n Sammy left, there was a great college in California, after that an internship and then three years ago Bugatti called. It was hard on Sam being so far from Jess but they called every day and he wasn’t getting hit so I call that a win. Besides they’re married and have two kids now so it all worked.”

“And now you have me,” Cas stopped for a second and swooped around for a quick kiss. “I have to ask, why a tongue stud?” Dean laughed and flicked it a few more times in Cas’s mouth.

“I was told I was a good kisser and getting a stud would make me even better.”

“Who said that?”

“Does it matter?”

“It does when I want to send them about fifty fruit baskets.” Dean roared with laughter.

“So,” he said when he recovered, “You’re better looking, better at sex, funnier, what am I going to bring to this relationship?”

“The stud,” they both said at the same time.

“Ok, your turn.” Dean moved them so he could massage beautiful shoulders. Cas hummed and pushed into warm hands. “How about you? Did you try to be a lawyer or tell Michael to fuck off?”

“Eventually. I tried for a year and then when I failed three classes I looked at my grades and I couldn’t find myself caring. I was terrified of Michael, and I just thought if I showed those grades to you, you would have kissed me and laughed and told me that I would make a terrible lawyer and that gave me courage.” Dean smiled and kissed the neck in front of him.

“That’s true.”

“So I went home, slapped the grades on the table, said I was going to do my own thing, asked Gabe if he wanted to come with, and Michael took it…badly.” Dean turned Cas’s head to really look at the scar above his eyebrow. It was jagged and about five inches long and half an inch at the widest part. He kissed it softly and Cas rested his head on Dean’s shoulder waiting patiently to go on. “He slammed my head into a glass table,” he said quietly when Dean resumed his massage. “He kicked me over and over and over and then there was nothing but…freedom. Gabe pushed him out of the way, took me and we never returned. I was into the drugs…” he pressed on, “Got clean, went to a tech school and took a course in film graphics and fell in love.”

“I’ve seen all your movies, they’re fantastic, the aliens in the last one…you deserved that award.”

Cas scoffed, “I had a team of animators, I just happened to lead it.” He moaned when Dean worked on a knot between his shoulders. “So that’s me, nothing special.” Dean turned Cas’s head and kissed deeply.

“Everything special,” he murmured. They toweled off shortly after and crawled (still naked) into bed. this time Dean fell as quickly into sleep as his soul mate, his previous fear gone.


End file.
